The Complacency Conundrum
My wit is dull, my mind is blank, and my existance is nothing but a mere twig.
It has been a while since the last time I wrote in this… Actually it’s been a while since I’ve had any intellectual forethought since my arrival here in Japan. It wasn’t until recently when I started reading y’all’s posts when I suddenly realized that I was drifting through life like a twig up the swanny river – ok that was a crap metaphor, bur it’s been a while. But to be perfectly honest, reading various blogs sorta stressed me out. I haven’t been doing much reading, nor writing these days… and I realized that I was becoming too complacent with who and where I am. Sure, having smug self-satisfaction may be great, but it seems like complacency is a form of idleness… acceptance… passivity. Is this necessarily a bad thing? Perhaps it isn’t, but aren’t visionaries plagued by the constant drive to be better, to make a change, to “rock the boat?”
Whoops… I forgot. I came to Japn to pursue the very intentions expressed above, but I found that life in my remote mountain hideaway has made life seem more like an easy bake oven. In other words, life is ridiculously simple. How can I be bothered to analyze the different dynamics of societal issues when my neighbors are wild monkeys and boars, for Pete’s sake? The latest drama in my life was my Japanese neighbor (other than the monkeys and boars) hearing my gay porn when I forgot to close the window – he came over to ask if I wanted to drink some brewskies with him. But to get back on track, my life revolves around my teaching job, lesson plans, and chokin’ the chicken. My life is now a ritual; I feel as if I’m confined to my daily schedule that includes tending to various social obligations, cooking rice, and dealing with my own weariness. How can I make a difference in the lives around me when I’m having a difficult time finding personal time for myself?
Ok ok… I know what you all are thinking. Teaching?! That’s the perfect outlet to inspire young minds, promote social change and ingrain my dogmatism. (I’m always right.) But how can I when 1. My Japanese language skills is the equivalent to a new born babe; 2. my students know just as little English as I do Japanese; and, most importantly, 3. I’m a guest in this foreign country?
There’s one student who insists that I call him “Rambo.” He’s obessesed with the US Navy Seals, and other militant congeries such as SWAT, the US Airforce, and (my favorite) the Green Berets. He knows random words like “camouflage,” “AK-47,” and “Apache helicopter.” However, expressions such as ”that’s fun,” “sad,” and ” violence is not the only means to solve ethnic, religious, or political differences” is completely at a loss for “Rambo.” How am I suppose to flex my moral righteousness when there’s this blasted language barrier in the way? Do I show him a picture of an Iraqi orphan weeping beside his deceased, blood-stained mother, and explain that they’re only ”collateral damage?” Moreover, how do I explain that butt fucking between two members of the same, or opposite for that matter, sex isn’t necessarilly morally corrupt? How do I instill motivation for students to follow their own dreams, to have an opinion, to be an individual? Then again, are my intentions right in the first place?
My experience here in Japan is entirely subjective. Like I said before, I’m a guest in this country. This culture revolves around a sense of social cohesiveness and what looks like uniformity. I feel as if I should merely observe the locals around me like an avariarist with binoculars. Hmm… two giant leaps forward: I guess this is where the mentality of colonization comes into place. Cultures and religions are constantly preaching their word on top of their soap boxes, dictating their “correct” way of living life. Whose to say that my way is the right way? Isn’t this where we’re supposed to embrace our differences?
Maybe I’m not always right, but I should be. Maybe there’s a time and place for everything in regards to action and reaction. Maybe I just need to be that twig floating up the swanny river for the time being, and prepare myself when the rapids approach - aka America. Maybe I should stop saying maybe. All I can do is take my experiences in Japan and amalgamate their particular cultural and social practices when I return to the states. OR, maybe I could just learn the language and start from there. If anything, I think living in a foreign country is about observing, interpreting, and understanding cultural differences. I just hope I can find a way to reciprocate what they’ve given me so far… but at this moment, I feel more like a twig bobbing around in the Pacific ocean than down the damn swanny river.
Ah, sigh. Ok, I’ve had enough. It’s good to be back… but as you can tell, I’m a bit rusty. Oh, the picture on top was taken on a beach in Japan. The sand squeaks cuz it’s so damn clean. Wulp, see you later.
