I’m wearing pink boxers. hardcore.

Bono never looked so good to daddy.

“Sometimes, the male bonobos engage in penis fencing, then they’d cum and fall asleep.” -Quote from my friend’s Human Sexuality class.

Alrighty… on a much much much lighter tone, I’m going to move on to something a bit more light hearted than the previous entry. Thanks for y’all who commented. Oh, this entry is a bit obscene for those people who are ig’nant and immature.

Ok, if you’re a guy imagine you get in a heated argument with your guy friend. To make up, you say, “Dude… I’m sorry, bro. Let me rub my balls against your ass.” And he allows you to do so. “Shit dude… that feels good.”

Or imagine if you’re a gal and you get in a cat fight with your best girlfriend. To reestablish your best friend forever status, you say “I’m like totally sorry. Lets rub our poons together.” Then you squeal in orgasmic delight.

Sounds like utopia, eh? Well, the bonobos monkeys have it all figured out. Watching a PBS special on these muhnkees, I was amazed to watch little Sue licking her mother’s clitoris after she threw a stick at her. Needless to say, I became interested.

Slightly smaller than their chimpanzee friends, these Bonobos exist with each other in a cohesive orgy within the sauna like conditions of the African forests. Much less aggressive then their Chimpazee cousins, these monkeys prefer to make love, not war. After a dispute, these monkeys would come together for a hug and a mouth-to-mouth kiss. Hm, imagine this excerpt in a British accent:

“The diversity of erotic contacts in bonobos includes sporadic oral sex, massage of another individual’s genitals and intense tongue-kissing. Lest this leave the impression of a pathologically oversexed species, I must add, based on hundreds of hours of watching bonobos, that their sexual activity is rather casual and relaxed. It appears to be a completely natural part of their group life. Like people, bonobos engage in sex only occasionally, not continuously. Furthermore, with the average copulation lasting 13 seconds, sexual contact in bonobos is rather quick by human standards.”

http://songweaver.com/info/bonobos.html

Imagine, for a moment, if our great leaders of this world were Bonobos. “I’m sorry, Saddam for forcing you to dismantle your missles,” chortled Bush. “Let me rub my nutsak against your hairy ass.” Then we probably wouldn’t have this problem with impending war, and the dependency of foreign oil issues and what not. Anyway…

To speak further along the lines of “unnatural” practices amongst animals, do you remember hearing that story about dem gay penguins who lived in Brooklyn? Well, if you haven’t, the two love birds, Wendell and Cess, have been a happy couple in the Brooklyn Zoo. Reading up about them, I came across this small article about the penguins. Here’s an excerpt:

How do Wendell and Cass have sex?

They’re doing the same thing as a male and female would, though obviously not producing any eggs. But the copulation is the same. I can give you specific details …

Go ahead.

Penguins are birds and all the sexual organs are on the inside of their bodies — it’s called the cloaca. The urogenital opening is where they defecate as well as have sex. It’s just this little hole in their rump area.

And it’s called the cloacal kiss: What happens is that the female will lay on her belly and the male climbs on top with his feet and puts his rump around her rump and their cloacas meet each other, and then the sperm gets transferred into the female.

So Wendell and Cass do the same thing.

Right. Just without the eggs.

http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2002/03/08/gay_penguins/index2.html

Here’s a CNN video about the matter for your benefit. Or it’s because you believe I’m full of shit:

http://www.cnn.com/video/us/2002/02/19/jm.gay.penguins.cmdy.med.html

I do have a point to all of this.

I find it extremely interesting that there are queer animals within the animal kingdom, other than Richard Simmons and Tom Cruise. When I think about the Bonobos monkeys, Wendell and Cess, and all those other homo animals, I can’t help but think, “Hey, maybe there is some sort of biological component in regards to homosexuality. Hot dog!” If animals are consistently seen as lacking the intellectual thought process of reasoning, and if they act purely out of instinct, wouldn’t homosexual animals only promote the idea that homosexual homosapiens are just acting out of natural functions of desire? Is it an example of natural selection? Am I making any sense?

I dunno… I’m sort of out of it right now. I think I’ll stop.  

If your interested in an article about a book based on gay animals, here’s a link that talks about it:   http://www.salon.com/it/feature/1999/03/cov_15featurea.html

God and Homos… again.

Recently I read one my high school friend’s blog who had read mine and talked about the issue of Homosexuality and God. Don’t bother to look for his blog since I didn’t post it up at all. Only with his permission. But he does go to UCLA. BOOO… just kidding B. Anyway, it’s always good to get other peoples interpretation on things. It makes us think yeah?

His Blog

I read my friend’s Xanga and he’s gay and so he talks about that….being Christian and gay.  Its pretty interesting reading his thoughts…I’m kinda curious as to what you all think about that.  My views on it is that it is sin.  Just as all of us are sinners, they are sinful as well.  Not anymore sinful than any of us.  But I think there’s an issue when someone is proud to be gay.  Instead of hating the sin and praying to be healed of the sin, its instead accepted as something that cannot be changed.  Those of us that fightwith sin (I believe everyone) know that its not easy and sometimes may seem like this is just how we are and we cannot change.  But God’s Word says otherwise… we have been set free from the chains of sin…and so there is a way.  Yet I don’t judge him or condemn him because I cannot, since I cannot say that I am without sin…yet I do… not intentionally… but maybe thats the problem…since gay people are now proud to be gay, everyone is conveniently clumped into the same group of people…essentially being proud to be sinful.  That is where I think there’s a difference… I am very ashamed of myself and the sins that are in my life.  Again, not that it makes me any better, but I do believe that is at least a better understanding of how horrible sin is.  And so as a Christian, we shouldn’t be proud of our sin…but hate it enough to seek to overcome…those are mythoughts, I have many more pertaining to the subject, but that kinda covers it…Don’t bother trying to find him on the sites I read, I didn’t add it, I would only do so with his permission…

His Blog Responses

1. as for your friend, that’s hard.  But, i think you’ve hit it on the nail.  We can’t be proud of sin, though we know we all sin.  We ought to be ashamed of our sins.  I think i realized what this meant…when God gave me the opportunity to confess some of my darker sins to some brothers at small group…in order to receive accountability.  I’d been ashamed of the deed…but not nearly as ashamed as i was confessing it to my brothers.  This shame [proper shame...b/c i ought to be ashamed of it] is helping lead me to repentence.  Not neccessarily that i fear men…but that this shame i feel gives me a taste of what shame of sin before God must be like. 

remaining in our sins – you hit it on the nose.  We’re not to be happy or proud of it…but ashamed and repentful, just as we would of any sin.  Not that we blow it off like every sin…but that we feel genuinely ashamed of every sin.  The Law was made for homosexuals…condemning them in God’s sight, just as it was made for me and you.  It’s God’s holy Law which we must refer to and stand upon.  We condemn no one:  we simply make known the condemnation which is already in place.

thoughts?
Posted 2/28/2003 at 12:38 pm by …

2. As for the second thing…yeah, I’m pretty certain in my beliefs on that, thanks for your thoughts…I guess something that I found interesting reading about was that He went to a homosexual church…first of all, I didn’t know that existed…but he basically described how everyone was clearly homosexual yet praising God…Yet I do know that it is those that have been forgiven much that praise God all the more…yet forgiveness comes after repentance??  So showing pride in being gay isn’t exactly repentance is it?  I dunno, just a thought…

posted by B

My Response 

Hey B- I just read your blog and I respect yours and others views toward the tricky subject of homosexuality in the church.

Most of you will never truly realize the pain, the frustration, and the guilt of what it means to be a homosexual Christian. Nor will you know the humiliation, the confusion, and being scared in a society where people strap other humans to a wooden fence, beating them senseless and leaving them for dead. I’m not trying to change your views toward homosexuality in the church, but at least let me try to explain what many gays have to face in this society that not only denies them constiutional rights, but passes judgement as sex fiend deviants.

I was on the verge of suicide because of the pain, the frustration, and the guilt. I would take an X-acto knife and run it along my veins to feel the sensation of the blade. All of this because I felt like I could never be accepted by the majority of society and ultimately by God. I did soon realized afterwards that Gods loves everyone, and will always have open arms for those who ask for forgiveness. But during that year of depression, I felt that being a homosexual, people shouting on TV that they will all burn in the firey pits of hell, that I could never amount to anything… that I would always have to live a life of fear and guilt for loving another human being.

But then I realized that God was not the only one that loved me, but that I had to love myself. This would be accepting my faults and to work hard to overcome them, as well as my own humanity, or my essence… And being gay is a part of who I am.

I think people find it difficult to separate sex from love. A pastor told me that sex between a man and a woman was not only for procreation and recreation, but a way for two people to glorify God together. I cannot see the difference between two Christian heterosexual couples, who may or may not be infertile, and two Christian men making Love. Love, not lust, but love.

I can truly understand why sins are considered sins. From adultery, to murder, to lying… It hurts another person emotionally and physically; it affects a third party member. But can you honestly see the horrible nature of two Christian men loving each other with every fiber of their being? It just doesn’t make sense to me, nor do I want to feel guilty for existing… for wanting to be happy… to ne able to fall in love.

Everything is based on interpretation. Some churches believe that women should not be pastors or should be given the same rights as men. Others believe that you cannot even hug people of the opposite sex if you’re dating. Some churches believe that every gay person in the world will burn in the fiery pits of hell, while others believe that if you do believe in Jesus Christ, gay or straight, then you’ll be dancing and celebrating in Heaven for eternity. Churches during the Civil War even interpreted slavery as an acceptable practice. What I’m trying to press is that everything is interpreted differently by different people at different times. Who is to say that you are wrong and you are right?

That’s why I respect your views. I know for me, being a Gay Christian, I cannot deny who I am and what’s embedded in me. For my own sanity, I cannot be ashamed of something I cannot change.

Do you honestly believe us Gay Christians wanted to be gay? Could you change your sexual preference if you wanted to? What does love mean to you?

God Bless,
Jason

Further Thoughts

Let me make clear that I am not proud to be gay, but I am proud of who I am… which includes being gay; accepting the macro-me. I am proud that I have been able to overcome my depression. I am proud of being able to fight the stereotypes of what a “typical” gay person is like, being a double minority, and maintaining a sense of self worth. I am proud that I know I will be an advocate for equal rights in America. I am proud of me being me… the entire me… not just the gay me… and I have to thank God and my friends for making me realize that.

Hmm… that was a bit dramatic, wasn’t it?

It can be debatable whether being an actual homosexual is a sin or the actual act of same sex intercourse is the real sin. Even multiple pastors I’ve talked with said that it isn’t a sin to be gay, but it’s how you handle yourself. And some… some think that living a monogomous life with one other person, straight or gay, while maintaining a “Christian” life, is not sin at all.

Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

I’m cool with an open forum for you religious and non-religious viewpoints on the matter. Perhaps we can find a common ground eventually. I’m not holding my breath though. Psha

Pink is Hardcore

“If you wear a pink shirt, people are gonna think you’re gay.”

Well I am gay, so fuck you.

The color to wear this spring is the lovely color pink. Yaay. Working at Banana Republic, we recently received our spring lineup, which consists an array of different shades of pink. From ice pink to creamy pink to obnoxious hardcore fucking fuscia pink. Realizing that pastel colors match well with my skin tone, I thought to myself “I should purchase a pink shirt and ignore the fact that I’ve become a total LA fashion victim.” So I juggled with the issue.

I spoke to some of my coworkers about this impending issue. “People will think you’re gay.” Hmm… that would be the end all, wouldn’t it? So I immediately mail ordered a Pink Solid Broadcloth Long-sleeved Shirt from J. Crew, style number 58786 (the one at BR didn’t fit well to my liking).

Once I received my pink wonder, I placed it onto my olive skinned body and looked at myself in the mirror. Somewhat satisfied with my purchase, I began to talk to some of friends to see what they thought. “I dunno about pink on guys.” “Pink isn’t exactly masculine.” “Guys in pink shirts are all gay.”

Alright now… are people trying to tell me that Pink shirts equal homosexuality? Now lets think about this stupid construction of a color that has been encoded with a particular social meaning. Pink has always been associated with little newborn baby girls as a label to distinguish what gender it is. Since it’s associated with that, pink will forever be associated to everything female. I mean, from women’s deodorant, to Dove bars, to tampon boxes. This is stupid. How is it that people see the color for its social value than it’s actual color? People are immediately reading the context of the color pink by its connotative meaning, as opposed to its actual denotative meaning: a red color with a little white paint mixed into it.

I suggest to start a Pink is Hardcore campaign to socially manipulate the hegemonic modes of color labeling. Pink will now be the standard color of working tools… which include the drill, the hacksaw, and the monkey wrench. Bull riding saddles, footballs, and cigars will vary in diffrent shades of pink including fuscia. Hardcore rappers will normally wear pink velure as a statement of authenticity of urban street life.

Now… is Pink really gay or is it just a light pigment of red? Whatever… colorblind people don’t have this issue.

pink is fucking hardcore…. Xanga Premium trial expires in 24 hours. Enjoy while you can.

Fags in Church

To continue this questioning of organized religion, I took the opportunity to talk to different pastors, sat in different denominations, and talked to a counselor who’s expertise was religion and sexuality. I learned oodles.

I had fortunately surrounded myself with people who were supportive, although their attempt to understand the pressures of finding a middle ground between being a homo and a good Christian boy was more troublesome then helpful. One was being a straight pastor who had given me the suggestion to get in contact with an “ex-gay” who lived a “gay lifestyle” – whatever that may be. I knew his intentions were good, but I would have rather killed myself than live a life as a spinster, knitting shalls with mauve colored twine. 

I visited a gay church. My counselor, who looked like a slightly larger Elizabeth Shue, suggested that I visit this gay church in north Hollywood. It seemed a bit odd when I first entered that church… especially when there were flaming homosexuals exclaiming “Praisssse Jesssusss!” and lesbians sporting leather jackets and a hairstyle that oddly resembled a mullet. I felt uncomfortable in my pieu. Not only was I the youngest homo in the room, I thought “This is blasphemy! What are these sexual deviants doing worshipping a God that supposedly sees them as EVIL?” And we sang gospel songs, with the word “s” having a sharp hissing sound.

Yet as I sat inbetween a man who was ridiculously tan and a woman who looked like a fat boy, I began to think… “Wow. This is actually beautiful.” The reasoning? That these homos were able to overcome all this social, political, religious pressure to hide their sexuality. That these fags, dykes, and queers maintained their faith in the face of American, puritanical opposition. These people still believed in the love, forgiveness, and acceptance of God. It was beautiful to see that faith in motion.

So I left, a door in my head totally swinging open. Hallelujah. And it was uplifting to know that there was an opportunity for me to practice my faith while being a glorified fag. I could even wear a feather boa and not feel that bad about it… not that I would… cuz that’s really gay… 

But it was also somewhat discomforting for me to know that within the Christian religion, there can be such a dichotomy between acceptance and rejection… That there are those total right wing, Christian fundamentalists who honestly believe that homos will burn eternally in the fires of HELL. While there are other denominations who have a rainbow plastered on the walls and Judy Garland blasting in the background. And we’re all saved?

Everything is based on interpretation. From Christianity to Hinduism to Shamanism to Witchcraft to Festivus. If there’s so much interpretation within Christianity, who’s to say which one is the absolute truth? Sure, it’s what you really believe in. It’s your faith. But how can we really know which God is the true God? I suppose you can’t really know until you’re dead and maggots start consuming your flesh.

So that’s that. I still believe that there is a God out there… whether if it’s Jesus Christ or just an overwhelming force that we can never understand in this mortal world.

Things are always in motion.

Ok… well, to show that I’m not an angsty person, here’s a happy photo of me. Woohoo.

GOD, HOMOS, AND THE WORD.

All right… instead of writing about the trivial accounts of sitting in my Communication classes, eating overpriced Inari at the cafeteria, and singing Mozart’s Grand Mass in C minor, lets move onto something at least somewhat interesting… or at least attempt to.

Now lets browse over the light topic of religion. I’m sure most of you are sighing, rolling your eyes, or simply skipping this blog due to the nature of this topic. So whatever… do what you will. Anyway, I was born in a Christian household… and I would like to say that I was a practicing Christian until my faith started to waive last year.

Primarily dealing with the issues of my sexuality, which is GAY, I find it hard to believe that homosexuality is entirely “sinful” under the eyes of God. And being a good Christian boy, I was filled with guilt, suicidal thoughts, and felt that I was damned to live a life of a spinster with thirteen cats. So I dove into scripture, seeked help from pastors and counselors, and reached my own conclusion.

Let’s dive into “the word” for now, and move onto the other topics with other blogs. Otherwise I’ll bore you, if not already. Ok, first off, in Leviticus 18:22 it says “Homosexuality is an absolutely forbidden, for it is an abomination.” All right… seems pretty straightforward, right? And of course, everything is based on interpretation, so I’m sure bucket loads of you will disagree. But we have to look at the specific context this book was written. It was written as a guidebook of holy living for the Hebrews around 1445-1444 B.C. Now slightly prior to this writing, it was a common practice for Greek men, or erastes: older male lover, to take a pre-pubescent boy, or eromenos: younger male lover, to partake in a rites of passage ritual taking place in Crete. Men became men when they literally had anal sex with a younger boy. Sick, eh? This sexual practice was not based on love, nor relationships, but more about power and authority. I’m sure the older men had a kick pretty much raping these younger boys if some of them were “truly gay.” But in Greek society, even homosexual relationships outside of this practice was frowned upon. 

What am I trying to say? Well, this passage in Leviticus may be an interpretation to end the power struggles that were taking place in Greek society. There was no tenderness, nor love; it was RAPE. (Furthermore, if we still practiced the ”guidebook” laid out in Leviticus, we wouldn’t be able to play football and married couples couldn’t have sex while women were still on the rag since they were deemed DIRTY [Like Christina Aguilera].)

While we’re on that topic of rape, lets look back at that happy story of Sodom and Gomorrah located in the book of Genesis 19:1-28. Now what are your thoughts on Sodom and Gomorrah? Are you picturing a city full of gays like West Hollywood, buttfucking in the middle of Santa Monica Blvd. while getting high off GHB? Hmm… well, Sodom and Gomorrah wasn’t really like that. They were just full of angry people with a lot of baggage on their hands. To make a long story short, Lot was protecting two angels in his household. The people of Sodom and Gomorrah didn’t like this since the angels were making suggestions on how to live a better life. These peeps didn’t like this type of authority so a whole bunch of men came banging on Lot’s door, demanded that they see the angels so they could gang rape them. Hmm… rape seems pretty shitty. Well, God being God didn’t really like these hooligans, and since most of the people sucked in Sodom and Gomorrah, he decided to rain fire on them and destroy the city. Not without saving Lot and his two virgin daughters, of course. The interesting tidbit is that after Lot and his two virgin daughters escape that truly wicked city, they decide to drug their father and have sex with him. They ultimately get pregnant and have his children. We assume that they weren’t born with extra fingers. 

Lets ponder that for a moment. His own daughters date rape their father and have sex with him. Now that’s gross… If you don’t believe me, read the rest of Genesis. Anyway, lets go back to the gay issue at hand. Those people of Sodom and Gomorrah wanted to butt rape those angels… and I think it’s safe to assume that raping angels wouldn’t sit well with God. So is this true homosexuality or can homosexuality involve love, compassion, and monogomous relationships while glorifying God? You can ponder about that.

LA Can Suck It

This is my first blog… ever… and I’m not too sure what purpose this thing is going to be. Perhaps it’ll be just to vent about life in general. I’m hoping that it won’t be hindered by the fact that YOU, yes you, may read and judge this writing. But how can you not? Everything is completely a subjective experience anyway. Therefore, judge if you like, comment if you like, or enjoy this blog for what it’s worth: the intuitions of a gasian.


With that aside, I suppose the reason why I’ve started to write is to escape this daily drudgery of living constantly in my head amidst a world that is currently unstimulating and a bit futile to understand. I wouldn’t say that I am the most intuitive, intelligent, thought provoking person I know. I just know that I feel like I’ve sat through my college career as a complete wallflower to the world around me. I cannot wait till graduation so I can move away from the constant bullshit that I have to endure on this pretentious campus… or city, for that matter.

Los Angeles, I’ve decided, is the bane of my existance. Sure, it isn’t a southern town located in hickville USA; there is diversity and culture in this urban sprawl. Unfortunately, most of the people I have encountered have all been pretentious Orange County assholes and high maintenance whores that preoccupy themselves with the latest Hummer SUV that’s out on the market today. The thing that pisses me off is that the world views LA as this glamorous “city” where celebrities shine with their emaciated figures and their closeted lifestyles. In fact, Los Angeles is more like a cubic zirconium: shiny but fake. Fake from Fairfax and 3rd’s the Grove, to the seedy underside of Hollywood and Highland’s Kodak Theatre. It’s just a vast, grey ocean of concrete, cars, and crappy personalities.

Anyway, I obviously can go on for hours, but my time in LA is winding to a close this upcoming May. After graduation I’ll be happy to leave this backdrop of an airbrushed image of bleached blonde bimbos. Fuck you, Liberty and Justice.

disgraceful billboard located in Westwood… take notice of her collagen lips.