January 23, 2004
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“Gay” is Not an Adjective
“Dude… that’s GAY.”
I refuse to be referred to as STUPID. As I reflect on my past experiences with slightly ignorant heterosexuals, the simple phrase of “that’s gay” has become prominent in the colloquial speech of young suburbanites. I’m well aware that many of my fellow North Americans are unaware of this derogatory slandering toward my fellow flamers. In fact, some are probably even fun-lovin’ liberals or gay mongering fag hags. Yet the words “that’s gay” has other social implications, negating the social strives that homosexuals have accomplished in order to attain respect and equality.
You might as well say, “Dude… that’s Black.” Although it may come across that various homosexuals are being “overly sensitive” to the sophomoric quip of “that’s gay,” attempt to step outside of yourself and replace the word “gay” with a word that is associated with your own personal identity. It may be “Latino,” “woman,” “Christian,” or even “white republican.” Regardless of what identity you choose to substitute, attempt to connote your identity to the meaning of “that’s fucking stupid.” Note: results may vary… say, if you’re an obese, one-legged mime, or the Fast and the Furious‘ blonde-hair, blue-eyed Paul Walker. You may or may not be slightly offended, depending on how cold and bitter your heart is. Nevertheless, at least you stepped outside of your own bubble in a fruitful attempt to understand the position of your fellow fruit friend.
My best friend, Suzie, confronted a fellow American in attempt to slap some sensitivity into the poor sucker. After the words “that’s gay” spewed from a juvenile salesperson’s mouth to his fellow co-worker in regards to something or other, Suzie immediately responded with, “What do you exactly mean by that?” He then had to explain that the word gay meant stupid, which my friend then spouted off with, “What if I were a lesbian? Then you would be equating me with everything that’s stupid in this world. I find that extremely offensive.” The salesboy reacted like a large phallic object had suddenly probed him. Granted that I was somewhat embarrassed by the situation, her brash way of approaching the that’s gay statement opened my eyes to the underlying social implications this phrase possessed. In other words, it has the potential to offend someone. The word “gay” shouldn’t be treated so flippantly, nor be used in jest.
Gays shouldn’t be the butt of jokes – no pun intended. Yet, mainstream media has the ability to present such matters as mockery. The other day I ventured on to apple.com/trailers to satiate my quest for ultimate brain stimulation in this mountain hideaway. What struck me as interesting were the various teeny-bopper previews, glittered with garish colors, flawless Aryans, and various gay jokes. Take the preview Eurotrip for example. Synopsis: Four friends are taking a backpacking trip around Europe (hence the title), encountering zany antics including incest, absinthe, and an overtly homosexual, Mediterranean predator who gets his kicks by groping young men in dark tunnels (he’s even fixed with a lacy garter belt). Or take the preview for Club Dread, where good-looking white people are in a tropical paradise, only to be knocked off one by one by a psycho killer. The preview shows a snippet of a closeted gay groping a fellow frat bro. The point being, what sorts of images are being presented to the masses? Sure, some of these jokes or images may be construed as merely “harmless,” such as the television show Will and Grace. In fact, I chortled a bit from the painfully bad preview of Club Dread and its comment on closeted manly men itching to find some cock-to-cock action. Nevertheless, many of the negative portrayal of homosexuals in mainstream media, as well as the “that’s gay” crack, have an impact on forming opinions and perpetuating stereotypes.
I’m not suggesting for liberal minded folk to rise up in arms and reap havoc in response to movies like these from being screened. If anything, I’m asking for those prudish North Americans to sexually liberate themselves from this ridiculous standard of male masculinity. It seems as if the “that’s gay” comment or movies such as Eurotrip and Club Dread may be an indirect backlash in order to defend the essence of “male sexuality” amidst the progressing women and gay rights movement, the bourgeoning style of metrosexuals (males who actually care about their appearance but are straight [note: the TV show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy), and the declining image of the All-American, rugged Marlboro man. Or, maybe it’s defending the puritanical upbringing many Americans have felt accustomed to, causing many men and women to repress their curiosity of nob-to-nob/cooch-to-cooch action. Well, WAKE UP EVERYONE… gay experiences don’t necessarily make you gay.
Moreover, I’m not condoning the practice of sexual promiscuity. If there is any “real” point to this article, it’s the importance of sensitivity and respect to every categorical grouping, albeit race, sexuality, and so forth. Yet, some may respond with, “Well, does that mean I have to walk on egg shells with everything I say?” The answer is “no.” Just don’t be stupid.
“That’s gay” or any gay jokes have the potential to be funny. But why? Could it be that it’s hilarious to believe that two members of the same sex happen to be attracted to each other yet cannot act on those “taboo” desires in fear of facing oppression or encountering incidents like Matthew Shepard? I think not. In other words, there isn’t a reason for it to be funny. And that, my friends, is fucking stupid.
Comments (13)
i couldn’t have said it better than what you just wrote jason. It’s hard though in today’s society where people sue the term so nonchalantly without even thinking about respect… but then it also goes for the term “nigga” too.. when other people besides african american’s use it.. it tends to turn into a war of racial “this” and “that”. It’s funny you mentioned this because someone just walked by my room and through the window i heard, “Man…that’s so homo.” The picture of homosexuality gets distorted bit by bit, day by day.. i guess it’s one of those things where time takes it’s toll till the community is given results. it sucks.. i know it does jason. nice entry tho.. i enjoyed reading it.
well said. I actually came out to my suitemates in freshman yr b/c they had walked around all yr, using the words “gay,” “fag,” “retarded,” “stupid,” and “lame” and interchangeably. Even if they were just 6 asian-american freshman suitemates, I felt like staying silent meant allowing for the perpetration of gay derogation. I came out, called them out, and found success in their acceptance and my re-education of their vocabulary. Bravo to your friend Suzie for calling out that salesperson.
welcome back to the wide wonderful world of xanga.
“nob-to-nob/cooch-to-cooch action” makes me smile.
i second that emotion. *insert cheesy eighties-beat here*
Points are awarded for aritculate writing. Maybe I’ll have to print this out and pass it around as a leaflet.
Yeah, when I came out to some guys that I had lived with in college, I told them that a big reason I hadn’t come out sooner to them was because they used the term “that’s gay” and I was just too frickin’ timid to say anything. They felt really bad after I said that and have since corrected their choice of words. “Don’t be stupid!” is a good mantra to live by!
so i was just thinking about you . . . and a certain memory stuck out in my head. well, 2 actually – one being the time you asked if i would kiss you so you could make sure you were gay.
haha, no no, but the one i was thinking of, and i’m not sure if you remember this . . . was a million years ago at some REACH retreat thing, and we were doing some paired shares activity – and you and i were paired up, i think the question was something like, “when was your angriest moment,” or “when was your most painful moment” or something like that – and about 2 minutes later we were bawling and bonded forever. hehe, do you remember that, or am i just making it up in my head? (i do that sometimes)
anyways, looking forward to saturday buddy. AHHHHH!! (jumping up and down) hehe.
You pretty muched summed up one of the reasons why I stopped hanging with my friends from high school. Haha
Actually, I do say “That’s gay.” But I mean it in a literal sense. For example, a few years ago when capri pants were in, my friend was sporting some PINK ones. I told him “That’s damn gay.” Perhaps it was a little insensitive, but I meant it in the sense, “Those pink capri pants exemplify a gay stereotype.” Not that that was wrong of him to do… I was just pointing it out. However, I’ve noticed that we gays can be rather self-hating and even homophobic… a topic I plan on writing about soon!
well put young fellow
one day we will rob a bank together. then we will party and you will teach me how to be metrosexual. until then…keep chillin with chipmunks.
I hate to just repeat what others have already said- but i totally agree with everything you said. It is refreshing to read something that is sincere with a point. Sigh– Stand proud my friend
you’re gay
Yup, I’m with you. Also — weird coincidence — I wrote on this very topic today and then, now, stumbled on what you had to say… One thing I didn’t say at my site (which was not the sickguysickguy one but the ArbutusRustlingandtheBumpingof one — I do have two, and just happen to be sickguysickguy at the moment) is that, in the SOUTH PARK mode of Big Gay Al, which is like the Richard Simmons mode and a number of other eunich versions of platable homos for rightwingchristianamerikkka (if I may wax jingoistic), capitalism has delivered something that the hetero stink shits are clearly rejecting and, let’s face it, we gay people need to reject it too. I have come to accept the word “queer”, even though most guys my age (42) and older are uncomfortable with it, because it throws out more of a challenge both to US and to THEM: everytime you use the word queer, you do — in a way — raise the question of “who is responsible for the sorry state of so many affairs? the conventional or the queer?” You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to come up with the answer to that one, either… Heterosexuals are a little too complacent; they need to be on their toes more, and ‘queer’ puts them there; and the harder we hold on to “gay”, the easier we make it for them to feel self-satisfied simply for not being vain and superficial like those guys who have the so-called “queer” eye (NOT! they have the MADISON AVENUE eye — what’s queer or unusual about that for crying out loud?)… Anyway… I like your site, Gasian!